When I am with You
by Yih
Summary: Oneshot. Ji Hoo will always love Jan Di because she is the sun - his bright inspiration - and as long as she is happy, he can pretend to be the same. Korean version of HYD, Ji Hoo is Rui, Jan Di is Tsukushi.


**Note:** This fanfic is based on the Korean version of HYD and makes the most sense if you have seen the series. The fic happens prior to Joon Pyo's return in episode 25. Also for readers who aren't familiar with the Korean version, Ji Hoo = Hanazawa Rui, Joon Pyo = Domyouji Tsukasa, and Jan Di = Makino Tsukushi.

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**When I am with You  
**by Yih

"_I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." – Roy Croft_

"You love her," his grandfather had told him in a firm voice despite being on his deathbed. "I know you love her. How can you just let her go? Why do you not fight for her?"

"Because," Ji Hoo had said then, "she loves someone else more."

His grandfather had shook his head sadly. "She doesn't know how much you need her."

That was true. Ji Hoo grabbed his stethoscope from his desk and placed it around his neck. Jan Di had no idea how much she meant to him. She simply thought he had gone to medical school because of his grandfather. She thought he wanted to keep the clinic open for his grandfather. She never considered that he had just wanted to be with her, just a little while longer before he had to give her up and accept that he had been the one that had allowed her to slip through his fingers.

How different would things have been if he had realized what Jan Di was to him the moment he had met her?

Ji Hoo smiled softly as he remembered that day. She had so loud, so passionate against Joon Pyo, screaming her frustration and anger on the stairwell. It had been a little annoying and quite cute, but Ji Hoo hadn't realized then that his curiosity about her had really been _interest_. From the very first day, he had found her fascinating. His mind couldn't wrap itself around that idea, not when there was Seo Hyun.

His first crush, the beautiful and compelling Min Seo Hyun. She had been the first one to draw him out of his shell, to make him feel mostly normal again after his parents had died in that tragic accident. If it had not been for her, he doubted he would have been able to deal with his grief. But his love for her, it was overwhelming admiration and gratefulness. Seo Hyung was his noona and he had mistaken that for a romantic love. At least, she had known that.

When he had gone to Paris after her, she had politely rejected him and pointed him to Jan Di. He had been furious when he had returned, angry at Seo Hyun for making light of his emotions and at Jan Di for being the one that Seo Hyun thought was right for him. He had been so foolish, so blind. How could he have missed it?

Jan Di was his sun. She was blinding and she annoyed him, frustrated him, and between them – there was a quiet, intense understanding. He didn't feel the need to talk to her. He felt relaxed just sitting somewhere, anywhere with her. From there the love had slowly rooted itself and blossomed.

By the time he had realized what Jan Di was, it was too late. He had been too passive, too much like a friend for Jan Di to see him as anything else. What had Seo Hyun once told him? Once a girl saw you as a friend, put you on that friend's ladder, that's where you stayed… forever.

It hurt, knowing that he would never be anything other than Jan Di's friend; it hurt, knowing that once again Joon Pyo would have what he wanted. Joon Pyo, Ji Hoo thought, might be his best friend, but that didn't mean he didn't hate him just a little. But only just a little because it was mainly his fault, he had allowed Joon Pyo to steal Jan Di's heart.

In the end, Ji Hoo only had himself to blame.

Here he was, four years later, still hopelessly in love with her and unable to steal her heart for himself because of her and because of Joon Pyo. Ji Hoo shook his head and smiled when he saw Jan Di waving down the bus, late as always, and he put his cap over his head and leaned back against the seat. She'd _almost_ missed the trip.

"So you think it'll end just like that?" he asked after hearing her take a seat next to him.

Ji Hoo took off his hat and turned his head, smiling charmingly at her. Her eyes widened with surprise and happiness to see him and she uttered, "Sunbae!"

She grinned at him then, but he could see the slight confusion in her eyes at his words. Again she didn't quite understand what he meant. He couldn't help but laugh inside, his eyes crinkling in amusement as they shared a mutual smile. They talked for a bit, about the trip and about random things, and Ji Hoo kept himself from being too obvious.

It wasn't hard when Jan Di was so oblivious, so naïve. She still didn't know how he truly felt about her – she mistook it for something less serious, less deep than Joon Pyo's feelings for her. Or maybe she did know and just pretended ignorance so things wouldn't get awkward.

Ji Hoo tilted his head and studied the sunlight on her face, reflecting her radiance, and he couldn't help but be mesmerized. She was so beautiful in his eyes, her kindness, her exuberance, her sheer will for life and the size of her compassion. She was going to make a wonderful doctor. He was very grateful that his grandfather had taken her under his wing. Thanks to his grandfather, Jan Di had found what she was meant to do.

It was comfortable being beside her, having her head on his shoulder as she got a quick nap before the grueling day would begin. There wouldn't be too many days like this left, not when the end of the four years was coming quick and Joon Pyo would return. Ji Hoo dreaded that day, knowing once again he would lose Jan Di. Not that he really had her to begin with, but with Joon Pyo in America it was easier to pretend she was his.

Ji Hoo reached into his pocket when he felt his cell phone vibrate. He stared at his screen for a while, pondering at the message, wondering what he should do and knowing what he didn't want to do.

_I'm back. Do you where Jan Di is? – Joon Pyo._

Some day, Ji Hoo vowed, he would stop being the good guy.

_Sokcho, in the afternoon, near the beach. – Ji Hoo. _

He sighed and glanced down at Jan Di, giving in to the need and reaching over to brush away the hair from her face. Her skin was soft to his touch and what he wouldn't give to bend his head down and to kiss her. Too bad he had never had that right, not really. Ji Hoo gripped his cell phone tightly when he felt it vibrate again. He was such a fool, _such a fool._

_Thank you_. _– Joon Pyo. _

If he hurt her again, Ji Hoo thought, he definitely wouldn't hold back anymore. He was tired of this unrequited love, tired of always being there but not really there, tired of being the friend not the boyfriend, tired of falling short of his dream and desires. And yet – as long as she was happy… as long as she was happy.

Ji Hoo looked out the window, noticing that they were arriving at their destination for their day of medical field work. It was good, this feeling of belonging and caring for others that he got from being a doctor. This was right for him, but he never would have done it without her.

"I love you, Jan Di," he mouthed to himself silently, smiling. "And thank you…" _for being my inspiration…_

**The End.**

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**A/N:** I have always had this huge thing about liking the "Rui"-character in all the versions of HYD that have come out, and I have to admit I was rooting harder than ever for Ji Hoo than I ever had in the previous version. They built it up so much and this is the first version where I felt that Jan Di could have ended up with Ji Hoo and been happy, but alas... no dice. But that's why there is fanfiction!

Would anyone be interested in reading more about Ji Hoo/Jan Di? I would probably have to do a cut off in the drama at a certain time period where it would be forced... and if so, at what point would it still be plausible for Jan Di to love Ji Hoo more than Joon Pyo? I'm thinking near the beginning. The story would be a series of Oneshots. Let me know if anyone is interested and I'd love to know what you thought about this story!

Please review (and I might write more)! ^-^!


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